Fail.
It's not all rainbows and puppies over here. There is sweating and sometimes there is cursing under ones breath. There are feelings of "how did I never notice my arms are this short?" and the questioning of parenting choices. Babywearing has a learning curve, just like any skill or activity, and sometimes it can feel mighty steep. I wanted to address some of the feelings and concerns that I often hear from new babywearers, ones that I grappled with myself, and talk about strategies that helped me become more confident and competent in our babywearing relationship. Some of these might seem silly and some profound, but they've all been important steps on our journey.
Obstacle #1: It's just too hard.
Some ways of babywearing ARE hard. Complicated. Fussy.
The first trick is finding what works for you. Are you more of a buckle carrier gal? Maybe a mei tai is a nice compromise between a wrap and a soft-structured carrier. We tried a lot of different carriers before finding the ones that work for us. And different carriers are useful in different situations and for different ages. We found a local chapter of Babywearing International, where we could try lots of different carrier types and even check them out for a 30-day period. That really helped us discover our likes and dislikes.
The second trick is PRACTICE. Practice, practice, practice. For me, that was picking one woven wrap carry each week that I would try every day. Some of those I never tried again, while others became part of our core repertoire. Rarely was there a carry that I nailed on the first, or third, or 10th attempt. Usually somewhere between three and fourteen tries I felt pretty confident. During all this practice, I really started to nail the basics like creating a nice deep seat, getting the fabric from knee to knee, tying a slip knot, and getting baby onto my back. It takes time, but it's worth it!
Obstacle #2: I look stupid.
You don't look stupid, I promise, but people can be opinionated, and not shy about telling you what they think, especially when children are involved (why? I don't know, that's a totally different post). It can be intimidating to walk out the door wearing your baby (or *gasp* put them in the carrier or wrap them in public!), when you know that not everyone is used to seeing it. People stop me all the time to ask me questions and offer comments. 99% of the time these have been curious people who are awed and impressed by how the heck I got my baby on my back, but, sometimes people are put off by the unfamiliar and can be a little snarky. A little knowledge goes a long way, so here are some quick comebacks for common questions/comments that won't start a fight (hopefully).
Obstacle #1: It's just too hard.
Some ways of babywearing ARE hard. Complicated. Fussy.
The first trick is finding what works for you. Are you more of a buckle carrier gal? Maybe a mei tai is a nice compromise between a wrap and a soft-structured carrier. We tried a lot of different carriers before finding the ones that work for us. And different carriers are useful in different situations and for different ages. We found a local chapter of Babywearing International, where we could try lots of different carrier types and even check them out for a 30-day period. That really helped us discover our likes and dislikes.
The second trick is PRACTICE. Practice, practice, practice. For me, that was picking one woven wrap carry each week that I would try every day. Some of those I never tried again, while others became part of our core repertoire. Rarely was there a carry that I nailed on the first, or third, or 10th attempt. Usually somewhere between three and fourteen tries I felt pretty confident. During all this practice, I really started to nail the basics like creating a nice deep seat, getting the fabric from knee to knee, tying a slip knot, and getting baby onto my back. It takes time, but it's worth it!
Obstacle #2: I look stupid.
You don't look stupid, I promise, but people can be opinionated, and not shy about telling you what they think, especially when children are involved (why? I don't know, that's a totally different post). It can be intimidating to walk out the door wearing your baby (or *gasp* put them in the carrier or wrap them in public!), when you know that not everyone is used to seeing it. People stop me all the time to ask me questions and offer comments. 99% of the time these have been curious people who are awed and impressed by how the heck I got my baby on my back, but, sometimes people are put off by the unfamiliar and can be a little snarky. A little knowledge goes a long way, so here are some quick comebacks for common questions/comments that won't start a fight (hopefully).
- Q: How did you do that?!?! A: Lots of practice!
- Q: You've got your hands full! A: Actually I've got both hands free!
- Q: He/she will never walk if you carry him/her like that. A: I don't think it's any different from sitting in a stroller.
- Q: You'll spoil him/her. A: Food spoils, babies don't.
- Q: Can I help you with that? A: No thank you, it's safer for me to do it myself. (Unless you want help!)
Taking a snack break in the Target patio section. Obstacle #3: He/She doesn't like it.
This is a tricky one, because it can appear to be true in the beginning. This is where a lot of parents/caregivers give up on babywearing, because who want to force their baby to do something they don't enjoy? The truth is, almost all babies enjoy being worn. What most parents experience and interpret as dislike, is actually baby responding to your anxiety or lack of confidence. Babies are like little radars for emotion, they can tell when we are sad, scared, happy, or excited and respond accordingly. It's survival for them! They don't know enough about the world to interpret it on their own, so they rely on us as parents to show them what emotions go with what situations.
It can be really difficult to put away the mindset of worry while learning to babywear. What if baby gets fussy while I'm wearing him/her in public? What if he/she refuses to get back in the carrier? What if I take him/her out and can't get him/her back in? These are all totally valid thoughts. But next time baby starts to fuss while being worn, think about your state of mind. Are you anxious? Try some deep breaths and bouncing, telling baby "you are safe, mama/dada's got you" and see if it gets better. It might work!
This is a tricky one, because it can appear to be true in the beginning. This is where a lot of parents/caregivers give up on babywearing, because who want to force their baby to do something they don't enjoy? The truth is, almost all babies enjoy being worn. What most parents experience and interpret as dislike, is actually baby responding to your anxiety or lack of confidence. Babies are like little radars for emotion, they can tell when we are sad, scared, happy, or excited and respond accordingly. It's survival for them! They don't know enough about the world to interpret it on their own, so they rely on us as parents to show them what emotions go with what situations.
It can be really difficult to put away the mindset of worry while learning to babywear. What if baby gets fussy while I'm wearing him/her in public? What if he/she refuses to get back in the carrier? What if I take him/her out and can't get him/her back in? These are all totally valid thoughts. But next time baby starts to fuss while being worn, think about your state of mind. Are you anxious? Try some deep breaths and bouncing, telling baby "you are safe, mama/dada's got you" and see if it gets better. It might work!
Obstacle #4: What do I do with all my stuff?!
Okay, I'm still figuring this one out. We've experimented with lots of diaper bags to find one that is babywearing compatible. When E was little and I was doing mostly front carries, I used a gear check backpack from a 5K race. It was small and light and I could fit all the essentials inside. When I graduated to back carries, I found a messenger style bag was most useful. But regardless, you're still carrying everything, which is different from using a stroller. I find when we are going for walks, I don't even bring the diaper bag. If we are going on a longer outing, then I will bring it. The Ergo Performance also has a bag that clips onto the carrier that can fit a few diapers and essentials. There are also a couple Etsy shops that make "fanny pack" type bags meant to be used while babywearing.
Obstacle #5: I can't afford it!
This is probably the greatest myth of all. While some people have lots of carriers, others have just one, sometimes one they made themselves. DIY wraps and mei tais are very common and inexpensive, although you should be sure that the materials and construction methods you are using are adequate to support baby. There are lots of online resources for DIY carriers. Second hand carriers are also pretty easy to come by. Children's consignment stores often have a few. You can also try craigslist and ebay. The Babywearing Swap group on Facebook can be very intimidating, but is also a great place to buy, sell, and trade carriers.
This list isn't exhaustive, but these were the major obstacles that we faced in the past year.
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